This morning I woke up on day “I have no idea” of the Christmas cold I’ve been nursing. The big boys started back to school today, so it was just me and the G-man getting back in our usual routine. I had music playing, as usual, and the Beatles’ “Here Comes the Sun” was playing and it caught me big time – as in, I was trying to sing along and dance with the puppy and G and all of a sudden I couldn’t sing and was choking back tears. The lyrics dug all the way down, brushed away cobwebs, scraped off rust and dirt and grime and got to the deepest feelings in my soul – the ones I try to keep buried so they don’t make my eyes leak. Here’s why…..
January is my hard month. It contains the majority of my earth-shattering, life-altering, all-in-the-worst-possible-way moment anniversaries. This is the month I miscarried our fourth baby, the month I was diagnosed with breast cancer, the month I was forced to wean G when I had imagined enjoying that time so much. The month our whole world turned upside down. It is the month I lost my dad two years ago. January holds a lot of heavy. But it’s a new January. It’s 2023. How is that any different? Well, this year is going to be heavy – but with all sorts of good anniversaries and big moments:
* January 3 – I have made it 5 years past my breast cancer diagnosis!!!!!!!!!
* February – baseball season starts – ALL 3 of the big boys will be playing varsity together this year!
* May 16 – My oldest turns 18 (he will be able to vote! he will be adult!) and my youngest turns 6 (I would freeze all my kids at this age if I could)
* May 25 – My middle two turn 16 – I will have THREE extra drivers in my house!
* May 26 – My oldest will graduate high school and I will celebrate THREE years post transplant (which is considered curative)
* July 12 – Marsh and I will celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary
* October 15 – I will turn 35 again 😉
See, 2023 is going to be a good year! Am I going to cry a lot this year? Absolutely, but I have a feeling they will be tears filled with joy, gratitude, amazement, and happiness. Will there still be hard? Of course! I still have surgery(ies) ahead of me and all my regular appointments, and I’m sure I’ll do something to spice things up at some point over the next 361 days. I will still have patient-friends pass away. Bad things will still happen. BUT – I am going to focus on all of these good things I have to look forward to the most. I am going to look back and be amazed at what all we have overcome and accomplished in the past 5, 18, 6, 16, 3 and 20 years! I will do my best to redeem the hard days and replace them with good memories. I will keep pressing forward.
It’s been a rainy, dreary morning today – full of storms and the “frog strangler” kind of rain. But it stopped around lunch time and I can see glimpses of sun rays peeking through the clouds outside. G had his first (virtual) piano lesson this afternoon. I have been re-organizing and thinking of new ways to stay organized this season with appointments, ballgames, commitments and feeding people. The weather testified to everything I am feeling today. The ice is slowly melting. The smile is returning to my face. And I say I’m alright. Here comes the sun!
Here comes the sun, doo-doo-doo-doo
Here comes the sun, and I say
It’s alright
Little darlin’, it’s been a long, cold, lonely winter
Little darlin’, it feels like years since it’s been here
Here comes the sun, doo-doo-doo-doo
Here comes the sun, and I say
It’s alright
Little darlin’, the smile’s returning to their faces
Little darlin’, it seems like years since it’s been here
Here comes the sun
Here comes the sun, and I say
It’s alright
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes
Little darlin’, I feel that ice is slowly melting
Little darlin’, it seems like years since it’s been clear
Here comes the sun, doo-doo-doo-doo
Here comes the sun, and I say
It’s alright
Here comes the sun, doo-doo-doo-doo
Here comes the sun
It’s alright
It’s alright
Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: George Harrison
Here Comes the Sun lyrics © Sm Publishing (Poland) Sp. Z O.o., Harrisongs Ltd
Cancermamma 