If I’ve heard it once, I’ve heard it a million times. Gus is definitely my Mini Me. Anyone who knew me as a child and has met him is like, “this is crazy how much he acts like you did.” He makes friends everywhere he goes and can find the best in the worst situation. He has never ceased to amaze me so it doesn’t really surprise me how calmly he has handled the past two weeks. We’ve both had our moments, but we have worked through each and every one. He knows exactly what is going on and is marching right through it like a champ. So far he has responded to the chemo really well with few side effects that have been manageable. His labs have been perfect – doing just what we want them to do – and we have already gotten to discontinue a few meds. He has mastered swallowing pills (we needed to be able to do this to go home). He has won the hearts of everyone here and even busted out a few winks (IYKYK). Today he told me that he was excited about going home tomorrow but he was also a little sad because he has been having fun and likes everyone here. Sound familiar? Deja Vu from 2020? Yeah…. Me too.
We are going home tomorrow – Here is the plan. He will get some blood today and more than likely some platelets in the morning. Then he will head to the OR for another LP and intrathecal (in the spine) chemo and then one more bag of IV chemo. Once we are all awake and stable, we will pack everything up and head home! I know one little Dachshund who is going to have some major zoomies when we get there. As long as we have no fevers or anything out of the ordinary, we will have a week at home to rest in our own beds. We will come back to clinic next Friday for bloodwork and treatment and that will be our routine for the next month. I may post some quick updates and pictures on Facebook and Instagram but probably won’t write again for a few days while we settle back at home.
Gus’s Wishlist – everyone has asked me about this one 🙂 He may add some things once we get back home, but this is a good start. https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/3PD28K889XX3A?ref_=wl_share
What do the rest of us need? Right now, prayers and checking in on us (and understanding if we don’t reply) is the best. I think we need this next week to take a breather, see what our new normal is going to look like and get the house set up for this battle. So all my well trained Southern friends (and some of you other transplants too), we can hold off on the meal train for a bit. Feel free to send my little man any card or anything you want. He loves his mail! For the rest of us, gift cards are always helpful. Here are our main places: Walmart, Kroger, Costco, Sam’s , Amazon, Chick Fil A, Panda Express, Papa John’s. Gas station gift cards are always helpful too – The ones I usually stop at between home and Augusta are: Jet Foods, Costco, BP, and Raceway.
Visitors – we are just going to play this by ear depending on his blood counts. As of right now he has no immune system, so of course, no one who is or has just been sick needs to be around him and they are asking that visitors all wear masks around him. I hate masks as much as the next person, but we would appreciate that courtesy. If you are wanting to come visit, just text me or Marsh and we will let you know what the “temperature” is for the day and if it will be a good one for a visit. He has loved my friends who have come to visit and played games with him (which has also given mamma a break), so I’m just sayin’ get your game face on and as Gus has told everyone here “be prepared to lose!”
How are we all doing? Well, that’s the question none of us can really answer. I have been in autopilot “hospital” mode for the past two weeks. It all still seems so surreal but so normal all at the same time. I am not sure that any of us really know what to think – and that goes for all my extended family, friends, and all my nurses and doctors (who have covered me up with love, Starbucks, and CFA the past two weeks). Ya’ll know I like a good song analogy so here is my one for today. Anyone who knows us well knows that we all like to speak in song lyrics and movie quotes. Gus has gotten a bit wobbly since we’ve been here so he knows he has to hold a hand, bed, rail, or something when he moves around. Several days ago I was helping him get dressed or something and he wasn’t feeling steady and I sang the words “hold on to me” to him and told him I’d play that song when we got finished and back in the bed. He and I lay there listening to the words and while yes, he had some good pain meds in him at the time, I promise you I watched that boy worship to that song. He closed his eyes, lifted his hands…. I mean, we have always gone to Presbyterian churches – we don’t do those kind of things – But he did the other night. We have listened to it every night since. I’ll be honest, I am not a huge contemporary Christian music fan – I have several favorites I stick to and that is about it, my playlist is a lot of country, 90’s grunge and hip hop, and some good classic southern rock for the most part. But when I was first diagnosed with breast cancer I started listening to a few new people. Lauren Daigle doesn’t know it but she has gotten me through some of my darkest days. And she’s doing it again. Here are the words Gus and I have been listening to at bedtime – They have been my prayer because for once in my life I have been at a huge loss for words during this whole situation:
Hold On To Me by: Lauren Daigle
When the best of me is barely breathin’
When I’m not somebody I believe in
Hold on to me
When I miss the light the night has stolen
When I’m slammin’ all the doors You’ve opened
Hold on to me
Hold on to me
Hold on to me when it’s too dark to see You
When I am sure I have reached the end
Hold on to me when I forget I need You
When I let go, hold me again
When I don’t feel like I’m worth defending
When I’m tired of all my pretending
Hold on to me
When I start to break in desperation
Underneath the weight of expectation
Hold on to me
Hold on to me
Hold on to me when it’s too dark to see You (I’ll hold on)
When I am sure I have reached the end
Hold on to me when I forget I need You (I’ll hold on)
When I let go, hold me again
I could rest here in Your arms forever
‘Cause I know nobody loves me better
Hold on to me
Hold on to me
Cancermamma 