March 29, 2018 · from Lesley’s original CaringBridge journal
I am afraid this post may be a bit cliche and verge on mushy – I apologize in advance. I also apologize to all my fellow 90s church youth group kids who are now having D.C. Talk flashbacks and will have that song stuck in your head for the next week. And I apologize to Marsh who will be thoroughly embarrassed that I am writing a whole big post all about him – sorry honey, but you deserve it.
Those of you that know me well know that this is not like me – and those of you that know Marsh and I as a couple well know that we are not a mushy couple. However, I had a moment yesterday that stopped me in my tracks and made me pause and thank the Lord for this man who was crazy enough to marry me.
We have a great marriage, always have. We will be turning 15 this July. Over the past 15 years we have experienced your typical marriage trials – petty arguments as you learn to live with one another, having kids, family stress, house construction, insert whatever else you can think of – and have weathered them all well. Thankfully we have not had much trouble with communication and have come out on the upside of each trial (even if we doubted it going through). We’ve had a couple of big trials along the way too – stressful pregnancies, having twins (right on top of another baby), losing a baby, major surgeries with complications – those have turned out okay too. But for the most part I would say the majority of the past 15 years has been comprised of the mundane. We run our business, raise our kids, manage the household, go to church, participate in community – rinse and repeat week after week. It is so easy to forget that we really are crazy about one another when so much of what we do is just so businesslike. It is also so easy to miss how much love is exercised in all of this mundane. The movies and social media so easily confuse what true love looks like. Your friend’s FB posts of her and her husband’s selfies can make you question the depth of your own relationship – you forget that you are not the selfie taking couple. It’s not a problem of your husband not being that guy – you aren’t that girl either.
Back to yesterday….. It was 2:15 and I was washing my hands in my bathroom and I looked out the window – there was Marsh shoving a 10 foot Crape Myrtle into place in the hole in which he was planting it. I watched him sweat and manipulate the 500+ pound tree where it needed to go. Then he got the other 5 plants in place too and rushed in to quickly change clothes and take the boys to baseball practice. All of this was after he’d gotten up before dawn and made me breakfast, gotten me my medicines, heated up Gus’s bottle and got him going for the morning, made sure the other kids were on the right way for the day, ran the tree farm, and who knows what else that I was unaware of. It just hit me hard right then and there how much he gives of himself physically for us and in so many ways. He was planting all these trees that I have been wanting for a while so I would have pretty things to look at out of my windows. (side note here – over the years our landscape has been at times like the shoemaker’s kids not having shoes – but when we get them they are like getting Manolo Blahniks – instant gratification when you grow the big landscape trees for a living) He works in the Georgia summer heat, the cold winter windy days, in conditions most of us complain about being in for short periods of time, day in day out to provide for our family – granted he loves his work, but it’s not easy at all. On top of that he gives every other spare minute to serving us and everyone around him. He does it quietly – truly in the spirit of not letting his right hand know what his left hand is doing.
I don’t get a dozen red roses on Valentine’s Day, I don’t get lots of sparkly jewelry (I’m not a sparkly jewelry kind of gal), I don’t get whatever other thing “they” say is how a man shows his love to his wife. But what I do get I treasure so much more. I get to watch this godly man I married give of himself daily – and I get to call him mine.
Love isn’t checking off the boxes that society tells you is romance. Love is:
shaving your wife’s head and telling her how pretty she is
getting up with the baby who won’t sleep so she can
playing ball in the yard with your kids after working outside for 10 hours
cooking dinner after working all day because she just can’t right now
Taking the trash to the dump ALL.THE.TIME without complaining
dropping what you are doing to help our widow friend down the road with house repairs
driving your wife to the oncologist every week for five months and trusting God to continue to provide for our business despite all the off time
(I could go on and on)
No one sees all of this, but this is true love in action. Look at those around you and don’t compare them to whatever unrealistic ideal you see in the world – look for the ways others show love that is unique to them and to you. Love is so much more than those unspoken checkboxes that imprison our thoughts. The world can have their cut roses that will die after a week or so – I’ll take my giant camellia outside my dining room window any day 😉
Comments from CaringBridge
Movene Futch — 4/1/18
Since Marsh is a covenant child from Dayspring Presbyterian, I have prayed for him for many years. (One on my Friday list to pray for.) Of course, I added you Leslie 15 years ago when you became his bride. As the boys have come, they have been added. My heart so rejoices to read this blog. Sounds like March has become that godly Christian man, I have asked God to make him. Bless the man who fears God, lays down his life for his wife and family, and works hard to provide for them. For whatever the days ahead holds, may God hold all of you in His Righteous Right Hand. Love and continued prayers.
Debbie Bailey — 3/31/18
Beautifully written post. My husband is like yours, and too often in the past I’ve felt sorry for myself when I didn’t get the flowers, etc. But he’s never forgotten a birthday or anniversary and works very hard for our family. Silent men are the most under appreciated! I’m finally seeing, after 41 years of marriage, the treasure I’ve had all along! Thanks for helping me to remember!
Janice Dempster — 3/30/18
Real love! He is a husband who strives to be Christ like. A true blessing, Leslie.
Angela Wilson — 3/30/18
A great post! So encouraging! That Marsh is a treasure:)
Wayne & Joyce Jones — 3/30/18
What a special family. We love you all
Amy Peed — 3/30/18
You got a good one for sure!!! 😍
Cancermamma 