July 31, 2018 · from Lesley’s original CaringBridge journal
Okay, I will admit upfront that that is a bait and switch title – click bait – I apologize and kinda feel bad about doing that to you. Please forgive me.
Pathology was great! Both my surgeon and oncologist said they couldn’t be happier with our outcomes. My body responded great to the chemotherapy – better than we expected. The tumor shrank from around 5cm to around 1cm. All of my lymph nodes were clear, even the one that we biopsied at the beginning that tested positive for cancer. They got good, wide margins all around. So for all wants and purposes I am cancer free right now! Woo Hoo!! I will still have radiation to catch any microscopic cells that may have been missed, but all in all this is great news and we are rejoicing!
But why me? It hit me a couple of days after getting the pathology back. When I was first diagnosed I cried out to the Lord “why me?” Now I am asking the same question but with a much different perspective. Going through cancer you meet other people going through the same thing – we soldier on together – an army of weak but determined warriors fighting a fierce enemy. We are in this thing together with a no man left behind attitude. It is hard when our paths start veering off in different directions – it is in our nature to want to keep sticking together. Between my last chemo and my surgery two of my closest cancer friends got not so great news. Mr. F had a new tumor appear on his frontal lobe and the decision to stop chemo was made. That tumor is a beast and is wreaking havoc on their family – it aches deeply to watch them go through this and make hard decisions. My friend T had her baby and he is healthy and strong but her scan showed some suspicious things. Another friend H is also battling breast cancer with two adorable little girls at home. Her chemo has been very rough on her and she developed shingles after she rang the bell a couple weeks ago. If any of you have asked if I am excited to be done with chemo and with my good pathology report and I have responded in an underwhelmed way, this is part of the reason why. Why me? Why has this journey been so easy for me so far? Don’t get me wrong – it has been rough at times but overall I have not had many complications and we have progressively gotten better news. It is still in the back of my mind the reality that it could come back – it could show up elsewhere – things can turn a corner quickly and I am very aware of that. But right now I am just humbled immensely by God’s grace and mercy on our family. I am thankful and am rejoicing, but quietly and humbly because I am so aware of the fact that I don’t deserve it. And I don’t understand why my friends, who in all honesty exhibit much more faithfulness, trust, and hope than I know I do, are not being given as easy of a path. I know in my mind that God is just as faithful to them – He is pouring out His mercy on them too – He is leading them down what is the perfect path for their lives and right to where He wants them to be. But gosh it is hard to watch my friends suffer. Why are they not getting good news like me. I almost feel guilty for getting good results. So all that to say….while I am a wordy girl, I cannot find the words to express how humbled and grateful I am for what God is doing in our lives. I am hopeful it continues and that the Lord gives me many more years to learn from this and try to wrap my mind around what He has done for us. I pray that I am able to be a good witness for what He has done…And as I continue to pray boldly, I ask that you would too, for my friends to be completely healed from this awful disease. I know He is able. I would love for us all to keep being part of the army here on earth that proclaims His amazing healing together.
Comments from CaringBridge
This post had 13 comments on CaringBridge; the first 10 (newest first, as they loaded) are captured below.
Margo Steinbaugh — 8/7/18
We have consistently prayed that the Lord would hold you and your family close. We are ecstatic at the doctors’ successes thus far. We will continue to lift you & your “boys” up for healing & strength.
Debbie Jacobs — 7/31/18
Praise God for such a good report of your progress and healing! Continued prayers for continued healing for you and your friends also fighting. God is good and He is faithful, May He bless you and your family.
Jennifer Waters — 7/31/18
Praising the Lord for this good news, Lesley! I know you are a great encouragement to your friends.❤️
Betsy Terry — 7/31/18
Oh how similar our stories are! Except of course I’m an old woman now! 🤣 It’s called survivor’s guilt. But as time passes, these weird emotions will slowly fade away. But the thankfulness and joy and blessings will never fade away, no matter what. God is always faithful. Always.
Dawn Cannon — 7/31/18
You are such a good witness, Lesley! Thank you for your encouragement! Rejoicing about your good reports!
Gale Roberts — 7/31/18
So grateful for your good report. I understand what you are saying, I have said the same thing regarding my health problems. I have been blessed so much. There is a reason and God will tell us when we see Him, if we even think about it at that glorious time. Continue to praise Him. I am going to continue to pray for you and your friends. Love you!
Laura Brodmann — 7/31/18
Rejoicing with you!! I am so thankful for such a wonderful report!
Stephanie Skelly — 7/31/18
I love your heart, dear friend. Thankful for God’s goodness and your tenderness. You are a treasure and your work is not yet done. Continued prayers… and I’m looking forward to the next big (gentle) hug. ♡♡♡
Wanda Stephens — 7/31/18
It is absolutely true that God uses his supernatural power in us through the power of the Holy Spirit to accomplish great things for our good and His glory. By all reports you are experiencing physical healing and I also sense from your testimony to recent events, you have also experienced spiritual renewal in many ways. So please don’t feel the need to ask “why me”, because of God’s great mercy and grace poured out upon your life. He is an amazing God who loves to bless his children when they answer the call to be humbled and become obedient to His will. Our prayers are with you as you celebrate this victory. You are truly an overcomer!
Pam Cook — 7/31/18
Great news. Answered prayers
Cancermamma 