June 4, 2020 · from Lesley’s original CaringBridge journal
Please don’t contact John Bunyan’s family and tell them to sue me for Copywrite infringement, but I really couldn’t think of a better way to describe the past few days. If you’ve been here for a while you will be familiar with my “halfway slump.” I feel pretty sure that’s what I’m feeling now. My numbers are totally tanked out, which is to be expected. However, it does make me extra weak, so I don’t get out of bed as much, which makes me feel crummy, which makes me not see the light at the end of the tunnel very well. And of course, Satan comes in at this weak moment and tries to fill my head with doubt and despair – lots of whispers of “your numbers are staying low and that means the transplant isn’t working” and “that back pain you feel is the cancer coming back” – all of which are completely unmerited thoughts. My doctors have said over and over that everything is going as planned and they are not concerned. They have even given me a timeline of what to expect and I am not yet to the point where they would expect my counts to come up. Even still, Satan whispers, and I have a hard time plugging up my ears. What do I do about this you ask… I made myself get up and walk the halls a bit. I couldn’t ride my bike today because my platelets were too low, but even just that walk was good. I made more tissue paper flowers because that is my job these days and the cardboard “take one” vase on my door was running low. And of course, I pray and speak truth to myself. Things ARE going well. I AM responding the way they expect. And it is okay for me to continue to hope that things are all going to be fine and trust in God’s healing hand. That part is hard sometimes because I know the realities of having cancer twice and it seems sometimes if being confident that I will be healed is just a recipe for an “I told you so” from Satan. But that is not who I serve – and I will continue to hold tight to the hope that He has given me.
As for the boring medical stuff, here goes… My numbers are as low as they possibly can be. Today I had to get blood and platelets. I have been having to get a LOT of magnesium supplements because as the donor cells are setting up shop and working to build more marrow it uses a lot of magnesium and other electrolytes. I have been quite queasy this week – this is from the high dose chemo, from the transplant, just part of the deal. Thankfully the doctors have been great at working with lots of different approaches to managing it and we have a pretty good regimen going right now. I am so thankful that my team asks me questions as to what works for me and then they LISTEN and act accordingly. I am being very well taken care of folks. When you pray, praise the Lord for this entire team of doctors, nurses, and other staff. They are wonderful!
It’s about time for my nighttime meds so I will leave you with a funny thing that happened today. I was on the phone with Marsh and of course, Gus wanted to talk. We had been chatting for a few minutes and somehow he hung up on me. I tried to call back and got no answer, I figured Marsh would call back soon. Well, apparently Gus managed to call the Ace Hardware and was talking to a friend that works there – when Marsh asked him something about what Mamma said he replies “this isn’t mamma, this is someone else.” Oh my word, we have laughed and laughed about this today. I miss my boys ya’ll. I miss them badly. I am over this whole hospital business and want to be home. Even so, I know that for now, this is where the Lord has me. I will praise Him in this slough and I will search for the fertile valleys with all their beauty nearby while I am in the midst of this muck.
much love,
Lesley
Comments from CaringBridge
Joy Watts — 6/5/20
Praying that the Lord will guard your thought life. You are an incredible testimony and light! (Psalm 31:14-15) But I trust in You, O Lord. I say, “You are my God. My times are in Your Hand.” (Philippians 4:4-9) (Isaiah 26:3-4) (2 Timothy 1:7) (Isiah 41:10)
Renee’ Tew — 6/4/20
Praise The Lord that you are on track! And in your words we do serve a mighty God!
I am continually praying for you Leslie and for your family! God has a plan we just don’t know what it is. Keep your focus and keep your chin up. Because we all know where our joy comes from! Love you my friend, Renee’
Christina Brannen — 6/4/20
Your faith and your strength is amazing! Such an encouragement to see you suffering so much and yet clinging to your Heavenly Father even in the darkest moments. I can only imagine how hard this much be to be away from your family for so long let alone to feel so crummy. Praying for you to stay strong and for your numbers to continue to “do what they are supposed to”. 🙏🏼
Diane Tucker — 6/4/20
❤️🙏❤️ Praying daily for your recovery! God is faithful.
alan motter — 6/4/20
Hang in there, you will get better ♥️♥️♥️
alan motter — 6/4/20
Hang in there, you will get better ♥️♥️♥️
Renee Shelfer — 6/4/20
I believe the Drs. I think you could be the next Erma Bombeck. You’re so clever with words. Gus sounds like a hoot. He could be a whole chapter. So many prayers are coming your way just hang on. Love and prayers to you . Renee
Janice Wright — 6/4/20
Praying for all to get better!
Patti Garretson — 6/4/20
Lesley, hang in there! I truly know this is really tough right now but there is light. You are in God’s mighty hands plus the wonderful knowledgeable and caring staff there. You are being used by God in the middle of this. Praying your numbers begin to climb, the nausea goes away and your spirits are lifted.
Edwina Williams — 6/4/20
Prayers for strength and standing strong through this ordeal. Prayers for your husband, boys and mom! I am finishing a chemo cap and will get in mail in next day or so. You are an inspiration to all. 💕🙏 Edwina Williams
Theresa Morgan — 6/4/20
Praying for God’s strong arms to encircle you and give you the strength you need to get through this. 🙏🙏🙏😷😷
Erica Lamar — 6/4/20
❤️❤️❤️
Cancermamma 