July 12, 2020 · from Lesley’s original CaringBridge journal
On July 12, 2003, a wedding cake was melting in Chippewa square as two crazy kids said “I do” having no clue what lay ahead. (Yes, an outdoor reception in Savannah in July…I know…) I remember then imagining growing old together and what that would look like. Over the last two years, I have felt like Marsh got the raw end of that deal, but he assures me over and over that he did not. I do believe that all of the trials we’ve been through, the cancer ones especially, have continually softened our hearts toward one another and helped us to grow in our marriage. Would I have picked this to be the way we learned these lessons? Absolutely not! Being on this side of it though, I don’t think I would have it any other way now. Often in my down times when I am afraid of all the what-ifs I fear that I won’t grow old with Marsh. But the Lord has been helping me deal with these thoughts. I have become much more thankful for the present, the mundane, the small moments that before I probably would have overlooked or not taken advantage of. Now I am more intentional with my time. I am much quicker to put the phone down and really listen, get up early so we can talk before the kids get up, savor the rides to the doctors where we can have uninterrupted conversations. I am more thankful for all that he does for me – the small things like cleaning the kitchen, bathing Gus, taking everyone outside when I am overwhelmed and he can tell I need alone time. I see these so much more than I see any perceived annoyance. The other day I was thinking, “you know, we have a lifetime ahead of us – we just don’t know how long that lifetime will be.” Strangely that phrasing in my head has been so helpful to me. Instead of thinking I am being cheated of days because of my cancers, I am simply thankful for the ones I have. We do have a lifetime in front of us and we can live that way, hopeful that it is a long one while cognizant that each day is a gift we should truly be thankful for. In 2018 we took a trip to Savannah to celebrate our 15th anniversary (thanks to some generous friends), even stayed in the same B&B we did after our wedding. I was bald then and thought it would be the only anniversary we were both bald. Well, here we are again! This morning as we were watching church on the television Marsh rubbed my head and smiled and said, “it’s getting thicker, I can tell!” What a sweet tender moment I wouldn’t have if it weren’t for my present state. The boys love rubbing my head again and calling me “fuzzy/fuzzy-wuzzy/spike.” Gus likes to rub my head as he falls asleep. I have teenagers checking daily for armpit hairs while I am checking daily for new hairs on my head. Being bald again is no fun, but we are having fun with it. As Gus says these days, “It’s all good in the hood.”
Now for a health update! I am sorry I have been MIA again. I have had wonderful energy the past few weeks and have been hiding under a mound of school books getting us ready for the coming school year. I think I may be more prepared this year than I ever was before – and I think this has a lot to do with all the quiet time I had in the hospital to plan. I have had four weeks straight of great bloodwork. The visits are pretty uneventful. They’ve said I’m doing “super”, “great”, “wonderful”, better than their other transplant patients. We are so thankful that we haven’t had any hiccups yet. We have cut my dose of Tacrolimus (the anti-rejection drug that makes me shaky) in half! That has helped tremendously with the shaking. I will still have it from time to time, but not as often and not as bad as it was before. This past week a new symptom has started up that is a bit annoying – my skin all over is super tender/sensitive. It is a hard sensation to explain, but it hurts when I’m touched or when cool air blows on me I get really cold. I’ll talk to the docs this week and see what they think, but I won’t be surprised if it’s neuropathy related.
For this coming week, I would appreciate a few extra prayers. Monday I have scans and see both my breast cancer doctors. That always gets the nerves going – I’ve been trying not to think about it too much. Tuesday I will have my regularly scheduled visit at the Cancer Clinic (with the leukemia docs). Praying for another week of good bloodwork!
Thank you again for all the prayers, cards, gifts – each week it seems I am getting a card from someone I don’t know, an anonymous gift, etc. These mean so much to me – it reminds me that God is so much bigger than me – His people reach so much farther than I can imagine – and through His people, His love is more abundant than I could ever deserve.
Comments from CaringBridge
Angela wells — 7/19/20
Lesley you are such an amazing woman!!! Your strength and assurance in God is a bright light that cannot burn out. We will be praying an extra prayer for you this week as we already pray for you daily and your family daily. You are a beautiful woman inside and out. Love you
Judy Rogers — 7/15/20
Oh, Leslie, I rejoice at this report and will keep lifting you & your family before the Lord! Were you a “writer” before this blog? If not, you, like our Emily, who is going through a heart-breaking divorce , have developed and discovered the gift of not just “reporting” but drawing us in to your realm of both suffering and sanctification – of frustration and yet a “peace that is better understanding” through it all!! What a testimony to see that God’s grace that has daily been more than sufficient to carry you forward!!
Gale Roberts — 7/14/20
Happy Anniversary with many more to come-as many as God has planned for you! He has this! I love you!❤️🙏
Hayley Pate — 7/14/20
What a precious testimony of your marriage! Happy 17 years!!!! We continue to be encouraged by how the Lord is using you in such POWERFUL ways to reach SO many for Him!!! It’s always such a blessing to read your journal entries…the Lord has SURELY given you a gift for writing & sharing!!! Thanking God for your good progress, and will keep praying! On my knees interceding for your upcoming tests-pleading with the Lord for His continued mercy! Thank you for your updates!!!
I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth. He will not let your foot be moved; he who keeps you will not slumber. Behold, he who keeps Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The Lord is your keeper; the Lord is your shade on your right hand. The sun shall not strike you by day, nor the moon by night. The Lord will keep you from all evil; he will keep your life. The Lord will keep your going out and your coming in from this time forth and forevermore.
Psalm 121:1-8, ESV
Mindy Stirling — 7/13/20
May your eyes be lifted and your heart be reminded where your help comes from.
I’m praying this over you this week.
Gerry Brooks — 7/12/20
Well, I would say that a great big dose of Congratulations are in order. You have such a wonderful family, loving, concerned about you and always there for you. Keep smiling for God is always with you. Dick and I continue to pray for you and your family.
Cancermamma 