November 6, 2020 · from Lesley’s original CaringBridge journal
If you aren’t Southern, you may not understand what being worn “slap out” feels like – I’m sorry, I can’t fix non-Southern for you, but it means really tired. Yesterday it was a crash day for me. I laid down with Gus after lunch and was dead to the world until Marsh called around 4:00 and woke me up. This week has been a busy one. We had appointments Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday afternoons (which means squeezing school in before lunch and in the evening when we got back. (only one of those appointments was for me! can you believe it?!) We also had unexpected, but well-welcomed and well-appreciated, company Wednesday night. There were also a couple of service appointments that had workers in and out of the house a couple of days. Why am I boring you with all of those details and logistics? It’s all to say that I am so thankful that I am worn out from just normal mom life – not being sick.
I saw Dr. Kota this week for my regular check-in. Bloodwork looked good again. My white count and platelets were down a bit but I seemed to be the only one concerned about that. To quote Dr. K and Sarah, “I’m not worried about it/losing sleep over it so you shouldn’t either.” It’s really from the chemo pills pulling those counts down. Either way, we are going to be back to protecting me a bit more (less venturing out than the little we’ve tried lately) just to be safe. The only other anomaly in my bloodwork was a high glucose level – that may or may not have been from a Chick-Fil-A frosted coffee on the way there – I refuse to confirm or deny. He cut back my Tacrolimus again (the anti-rejection/immunosuppressant/make me shaky pill), so we are still on track to have me off of that all the way soon. I’ll go back in two weeks this time so we can get on off of that.
The other big event this week was me launching my new website/blog. As I said in my post here about it the other day, it is still in progress, so please be patient with me. I have big plans – so many ideas – and as I told a friend last night I am honestly a bit scared about it. I don’t want to get distracted or lazy and not keep it up. I have done this so many times in the past. I tend to take on too much and/or get tunnel-visioned about new things I am excited about only to burn out later. But maybe with help from others on these types of projects, I can keep the ball rolling since I’m not trying to do it all on my own. In case you haven’t checked it out yet, here is CancerMamma.com (sign up to get an email when there is a new post!) and the latest project I’m working on – to provide the patients on the BMT floor with some items to make them feel more at home and comfortable during their unexpected long-term hospital stays. Please consider helping either on your own or with a group that you are involved in. This would be a huge blessing to these longer-term in-patients and the staff who love them and want to provide the best of care over and above what they are required to. My goal is to get a sizeable stash ready by Thanksgiving.
And one last unrelated thought about Tuesday and this crazy election business – Tuesday was the most exhausting day this week. Marsh was not able to go with me to my appointment. A friend of ours passed away unexpectedly last Friday – we have coached his girls in soccer and he has helped Marsh coach for several years now. His funeral was Tuesday so Murphy went with me to my appointment instead. He is 15 and I am sure doesn’t keep the gravity of what all our family has been through the past 3-5 years at the forefront of his mind. Tuesday was a sobering reminder of that. I was able to take him to the 5th floor of the hospital and show him for the first time where I lived this summer and introduce him to some of the staff who cared for his Mamma. He went to the cancer center for my appointment and saw many people way worse off than I am. As much as I hate that this is his reality I know that it is a good thing for him to see. He helped me get my Costco run done for all these hungry people at my house – I couldn’t have accomplished that without him for sure. While I was shopping for this ungodly amount of food that will no doubt be gone in a week or two, I got a text that a dear friend was in the hospital being intubated because of complications from COVID. My heart became even heavier. When we got home Murphy knew how exhausted I was and hopped to task getting Gus ready for bed. Teenagers are hard, and mine are no exception, but I have some good ones. Marsh went to the funeral and hugged our girls there – COVID be danged – you would have done the same – we are trusting God to keep us protected – we were loving orphans and widows. He drove back and forth all day it seemed. He had a business to run, trees to dig, the funeral, drove back across the counties to vote, came in for a second to eat, and was off to fire drill that night. (Murphy and I voted as well but at 11:30 am I had no wait and was ballot #21 at our polling place – this is rural GA!) We were ships passing in the night all day. One of my closest friends made the comment that “there are way more important things going on today than this stupid election!” She is not wrong – she is SO right. She didn’t mean, and neither one of us think, that this election isn’t important – it may, in fact, be the most important election we see in our lifetime – but it is not the most important thing for us to focus our thoughts and energy on right now. People are sick and need help and encouragement. People are dying – their spouses and children need love and support. There are so many more important things. Let’s not forget that and keep our eyes, hearts, and minds focused on what has eternal value. No matter what happens with this election, politics are not eternal – but souls are. Let’s invest our energy into souls. Our family has stayed up too late several nights this week watching election results. We’ve had it on most of the days this week. This morning I turned it off. I turned on some good music. I’m praying (not just for the country but for people that need it). I’m going to love my family. I am going to pour my energy into PEOPLE who need it and whose souls can benefit from it. Doing this will have way more of an impact on the election – this one and ones in the future – than obsessively watching the tv waiting on results.
Well, I have a bunch of boring tasks left to accomplish today: grading tests, paying bills, doing office work for the tree farm, laundry, cleaning my house, cooking for all these menfolk, and many more that will crop up in between. I am looking forward to being worn slap out again at the end of today.
Blessings to you all,
Lesley
Comments from CaringBridge
Nancy Sullivan — 11/6/20
Just listening to your day, makes me tired! You are amazing!
Cancermamma 