January 23, 2021 · from Lesley’s original CaringBridge journal
I am so sorry it has taken me a while to update everyone. My daddy was admitted to the hospital with COVID last Friday and is not doing well at all. It has been heartbreaking to know he is up there alone and also that I cannot be there in any capacity. Today has been a really hard day with all of that so my writing prowess will not be what it usually is – but here is a quick rundown…
In the past two weeks I have seen ALL of my doctors (except the one in TN) and they all had raving reviews of my progress. I saw both of my breast cancer doctors back to back Monday before last. Those visits were pretty uneventful, more of a “checking off the boxes” kind of a visit. But the one thing that stood out was that both of them smiled, shook their heads and said “you are a walking miracle.” It sounds like a passing comment in so many ways and we overuse that phrase at times – it is definitely not the first time I’ve heard it. Those two doctors aren’t green, they’ve been around a while and seen quite a few patients, so it isn’t lost on me that those words hold weight.
The following day I saw Dr. Kota (a.k.a. “the boss” around here). My bloodwork looked great. The only issue we are dealing with right now is that I am covered head to toe in a rash, or possibly two different kinds of rash. We have been battling and watching it for over a month now. It is also in my mouth, so here I go again with mouth issues (yes, I’ve had Ursula flashbacks). He is pretty stoked about this rash now though! He feels certain now that at least part of it is GVHD (graft vs. host/rejection response) – and this is a good thing. It is evidence that the transplant is working. It is doing what it is supposed to. If it is going to fight against my body (in this case my skin) like this, we can assume it will fight the Leukemia as well – of course I am going to keep the mindset that there is no Leukemia to fight and hope it never has to do that. He says that this is a mild case. So it seems to me that this is one of the best possible places we could be right now. In the meantime, we are going to treat it topically and not put me on steroids or any other immunosuppressant. I just need to warn you that if you come near me I am very slippery these days – I am having to put steroid cream followed by lotion on the rash (which is literally from the top of my head to the soles of my feet – thankfully not on my face though). You know that scene in Christmas Vacation where Clark goes sledding….I’m afraid that would be me if I slip on anything. I also have a steroid mouthwash I am swishing and gargling with to help my mouth, and using lots and lots of chapstick.
This past Thursday I drove to Atlanta and saw my plastic surgeon. It is almost a year to the date that I saw her the first time and we were planning my reconstruction. The day I was admitted with Leukemia was the day I was originally supposed to have my pre-op appointment. Crazy… About a month or two ago, I loose the time, my right expander busted – that was interesting – over about a week or so it completely deflated – again, odd. Good news is, that it posed and poses no problems. She examined me again and it looks like there will be no need to change our original plans. We are going for the least invasive way to accomplish this reconstruction. We also both agreed that we would be most comfortable with waiting until this summer to have the surgery – that will put me a year past my transplant and hopefully my new immune system will be good and strong and ready to heal from that by then. I will see her again in April and we will pick a date then.
Aside from the obvious stress of all of those doctors’ appointments, travel, etc. I have had to handle a few very heavy issues during these past two weeks as well. I have had to make some very hard decisions that I didn’t take lightly and got counsel from several people before I acted. I had to make decisions that I knew would cause others to view me differently but I also knew were the right ones and for the betterment of everyone involved. Oh, and our country has been blowing up in the meantime as well. It has been hard and my anxiety has been on quite the uptick. I don’t know why God has allowed for me to go through all of these things at once, but I trust He has a greater purpose in it all – and that He does it for me to prosper, not to hurt me. I continue to cry out to Him – and He continues to sustain me.
Thank you everyone for your continued prayers for me. I have felt them. I know God has heard them on my behalf. I truly feel like I have the best support network ever. Please lift my Daddy up today. It looks very grim. I know our God is big enough to handle it – we have certainly seen him do it before. I am also very realistic and realize that sometimes He chooses to heal in heaven and not on earth – and I am at peace with that. My Daddy expressed to me in his own way this past week that he trusts the Lord, and I am oh so thankful to have heard that for the first time in 42 years. If it took my cancer for his heart to soften and him to come to a trusting knowledge and relationship with the Lord, then it was worth every minute of the past three years and I would do it all over again. My doctors think I am a walking miracle – but for me, this has been the more joyful miracle that has come out of this journey so far.
Comments from CaringBridge
Nancy Sullivan — 1/23/21
So glad your dad has come to faith! Prayers for his health also. Wonderful news about you, Leslie! We pray for you daily!
Lesley Letson — 1/23/21
Nancy, you continue to be such an encouragement to me. I look forward to being well enough for a Savannah trip – you and I will have to have a tea room date!
Cancermamma 