I’ve written a few of these in the past – I wish I had made more of a point to do this each time. But the world lost two amazing ladies this week. Dolly Parton and my friend Joletta.
Saturday was my 2 year second transplant-iversary/birthday. The day came and went like any other normal Saturday. I actually didn’t wake up thinking about what the day was at all. It took a friend texting me to remind me. NONE of my guys remembered – don’t throw them under the bus – they are dudes – they have yet to remember one of my cancerversary dates. Honestly, who blames them – this past decade has been traumatizing, but I digress. That morning I was more focused on baseball. Gus is FINALLY getting to start playing baseball after a very long wait. We did not let him play while he was in treatment and until he got his port taken out. Evaluations were that morning and I swear he grew several inches taller that morning. Sunday we went to church. Monday was a regular start of the week and then I saw that my sweet friend Joletta had passed away the day before. Then the next day, Tuesday, after a great visit with the Boss Man (funny thing – we both forgot to celebrate the 2 year mark at my appointment too!) where I had excellent blood work, while I was standing in line at the checkout desk at the Cancer Center, I saw that Dolly, THE DOLLY, had the audacity to leave the world without her presence any longer. Here I was trying to fit 739,293,710 errands into my trip home and I felt a way akin to how I felt on 9/11 [Marsh gave me a look when I said this out loud – like I was being irreverant – I’ll let you decide – I mean, she IS a national treasure]. I mean, there should be a collective moment of silence, a day of mourning, I should be sitting in my living room watching the same news story on a loop for hours in disbelief. But no, I needed to get all the groceries for all these men in my house and get home in time to not miss Gus’s first practice.
Ya’ll know how I love music and song meanings and good writing. I often get inspired by what my Pandora shuffle seems to offer for the day, and today didn’t fall short at all. We started off with Sturgill Simpson’s “All Around You” followed by Chris Stapleton’s “Friendship.” Both of those songs made me think of Joletta and Dolly both. We all know oodles of Dolly Parton stories – and if you don’t, all of social media and every news outlet is flooded with them right now. A few themes that stand out about Dolly that keep standing out to me were:
* she loved people – all people, and embraced their differences
* she was a light in a dark world
* she used whatever she had to help others and make their lives better
* she was comfortable in her own skin
* she never let her circumstances define her or limit her hope
* she exuded God’s love
Joletta was these things also. We met through cancer. She is one of the Boss Man’s patients as well who underwent a transplant not too long after my last one. She reached out to me and we realized that one of her relatives was a mutual family friend. One day as I was pulling up to my store I saw her leaving – Ya’ll…..she made a special trip to Sparta just to support me. I went inside and we talked for well over an hour. I am so glad I took that time. We would have many conversations after that – in the infusion room, over text, over the phone, when she was inpatient for her transplant….. She instantly became part of my “cancer fam.” And if you know anything about the “cancer fam,” know that these people are folks you never planned on meeting but whom you instantly bond with because of this shared experience. It is a universal thing – these people are stuck with you for life now – in the best sort of way – and you can’t imagine life without them in it now. While my time with her was short, she made an indelible mark on my heart. She was always so sweet and cheerful and kind and encouraging. I loved her spirit – her circumstances didn’t define her. She loved Jesus and it showed. I never witnessed her lose hope or faith that if God wanted her healed, He would – and she trusted Him to handle it in His way. I don’t know why we had to lose Joletta. I can think of plenty of other patients I’ve met over the years who were much grumpier, meaner, just not good people, who I think would have been a better choice for us to live without – but I’m not in charge. This side of heaven, I have so many questions that will go unanswered. I hope that I can continue to have faith and hope like Joletta.
Life is hard. This chapter of my life has brought some unique and unexpected challenges that have really worn down my spirits. I feel in many ways like I am entering the 5th movement of a really long musical piece and I’m trying to figure out what it is supposed to sound like. One thing that being a long-term cancer patient has taught me is how to pivot, but more importantly than that, it has taught me how to step back, break down a situation into what the absolute must haves are, and release the rest. So that’s what I am doing right now – in my business and in my relationships. There are just too many things in life that are out of our control, and time is fleeting and unstable – so I am going to focus on what I know in my heart are the important things. I think as we read all these stories about Dolly this week, and as I reflect on all the people I have met and lost over the past 8 years of this journey, we should admire the qualities that stood out in them and carry their legacies forward to the next generation.
I want to leave you with the lyrics of “All Around You” by Sturgill Simpson.
This one is for your Joletta – Thank you for being my friend.
There will be days
When the sun won’t shine
When it seems like the whole world is against you
Don’t be afraid
Life is unkind
You can let go of the pain if you choose to
‘Cause time slips away
Skies fall apart
It ain’t too hard
A universal heart
Glowing
Flowing
All around You
There will be nights that go on forever
Like you’re long lost at sea never to be found
Just know in your heart
That we’re always together
And long after I’m gone
I’ll still be around
‘Cause our bond is eternal
And so is love
God is inside you, all around you, and up above
Growing
Showing
You the way
Cancermamma 