April 21, 2018 · from Lesley’s original CaringBridge journal
“But I shouldn’t complain – what I’m going through is nothing compared to what you are dealing with.” If I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard that in the last four months I would be a rich woman. If I had another dollar for every time I’ve said that myself or thought it I could make someone else rich as well. Comparing our trials to another’s is natural – you can’t help it – that’s just how our minds work, we compare new information to what we already are familiar with. However, I think we need to be careful in how we do this. Seeing someone go through something really hard can give you a good perspective on your own life. It can make you introspect and be more thankful for the blessings that surround you and cause you to slough off petty annoyances for what they really are. It can help you not take the small things of life – that are really the big things in the end – for granted. The other thing that this comparison does so often though, that I don’t think is healthy, is make people think that because their trial is “lesser” than their neighbors that it is insignificant and they shouldn’t feel the anguish/pain/fear/stress/etc. that comes along with their particular “bag of rocks to carry” (as a friend once described it).
One thing I don’t want my cancer to do is cause my friends, or anyone else for that matter, to not feel like they can talk about their struggles because they think they seem petty in comparison to mine. God has given me and my family this to go through because He thinks it best for our sanctification [I could have come up with some other ideas I would have liked to endure instead, but alas, I am not the one in charge here 😉 ] He is using cancer to shape us into what He wants us to be, more Christlike and stronger in our faith. He has picked this because it is going to rub on all of our individual rough places in exactly the right way to smooth them out. This trial fits us – and if that is not your trial it’s because God doesn’t think that’s what you need to shape you – He has given you something else. We are all unique with unique gifts, abilities, and unfortunately unique sins and weaknesses. Therefore God gives us all unique trials – and they are all hard! He presses on us where we need to be pressed on at the time and He pushes us to where we can no longer feel like we can handle it on our own and must rely solely on Him. One thing I have prayed a lot lately is that my cancer doesn’t get in the way of me loving on others. I don’t want to get so wrapped up in what I am going through that I loose sight of what others around me are struggling with (particularly all the menfolk in my house, but my friends as well). I realize my limitations right now, but being a listening ear and praying is something I can do. So, my friends, please don’t stop sharing with me what you are going through or hesitate sharing your struggles with someone who you think has it worse. We are all slugging through life together. We need to all encourage one another no matter what we are going through. We need to all help one another carry our particular “bags of rocks.”
Comments from CaringBridge
darice davis — 5/7/18
Hi Leslie, I miss you all so much. Thanks for having such a positive attitude throughout this ordeal. I found an article for you and your family that will give you much encouragement and comfort.
[This comment originally included a long shared article, omitted here for length.]
Michelle Flowers — 4/26/18
I love this. My best friend of many years went through very rough times w/ chronic pain. She could hardly function, and had 2 toddlers as well. I got to where I didn’t want to share things I had been going through at the time because her burden was so great. I felt mine were so petty. She pretty much said the same as you. Just because my burden didn’t look like hers, didn’t mean that my pain/feeling were petty. Wise words, Lesley. You are a strong woman. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
Gale Roberts — 4/25/18
😍💕
Debbie Jacobs — 4/23/18
Good thoughts Leslie and well said. We all deal with trials, life changes, disappointments and difficulties. Helps us trust God and His Sovereignty day by day.
Cancermamma 