April 28, 2018 · from Lesley’s original CaringBridge journal
I love Ree Drummond. I really think we could be fraternal twins separated at birth (except when you look at genetics she is way taller than me and we look nothing alike). Her book From Black Heels to Tractor Wheels sounded like mine and Marsh’s love story just replace Oklahoma with Georgia and cows with trees. I have all her cookbooks and haven’t met a recipe in them I didn’t like. I and my children like to read them like a regular book. The pictures are beautiful and make you want to go hang out in her kitchen and chat and then get really full off the gorgeous food. But maybe my favorite part of the cookbook is the very back where it says “keepin’ it real” and has the pictures of the sink spilling over with dishes and floured countertops with Andy Warhol like splatters of sauce on them. That’s what this post is…..
This week has been rougher than usual for me. I have figured out that Tuesdays seem to be my “crash” days with this treatment – it took me a while to discover this because it wasn’t like the first rounds were. I was just zapped of all energy. And what was a little tougher this week was that on Tuesday the boys had an orthodontist appointment and had to leave at 2:00, then had baseball practice at 6:30 which meant they didn’t get home until around 9:30, which meant I had Gus by myself all that time. He was a little extra grumpy and I was getting tired just walking from the bedroom to the kitchen. All that gets me down – I get very frustrated that I can’t go and do and play with my baby like I want to. I did wake up Wednesday feeling a little more energetic and that helped me figure out that Tuesday was probably the crash day.
Thursday evening I was not in the mood to do my nails again before chemo. All this extra body maintenance that manifests itself in girliness gets on my nerves more some days than others and this was one of them. Eyebrow pencils are foreign to me and remembering all this stuff is just more than this non-girly girl can handle some weeks.
Friday got off to a really bad start as well. Right as we were getting ready to leave for chemo Murphy comes to me upset saying that something was wrong with Ozzie (his bearded dragon). The poor lizard was struggling for breath and having a hard time. Marsh and I did what we could but he ended up dying. We were already running late by this point so had to just cover up the cage because we didn’t have time to bury him then. Of all the times for this to happen, why did it have to be right then?! I had to give Murph a quick hug session and leave him upset. I didn’t want to go to chemo. I wanted to stay home and be a mom. I wanted to comfort my child.
Cancer is no respecter of persons. Cancer doesn’t care what your life situation is. Cancer sucks (for the lack of a more mature description). It won’t always be this way. I know this. I can better predict my crash day now and hopefully plan around it. I’ll keep digging around for the things to be thankful for. I’ll go to by boys’ baseball game this afternoon and enjoy watching them enjoy playing. I’ll get slobbery baby kisses. We’ll read some books. We will probably play wiffle ball in the yard tomorrow afternoon. It will be good. And I will tell you about all of those fun things too – but today I felt like you needed to see the real side as well.
Comments from CaringBridge
darice davis — 5/7/18
Tell Murphy I am sorry about his pet. Yes our trial can come back to back, and it makes just feel lost and empty. Hang in there lesley, we love you and your family.
Movene Futch — 4/29/18
Leslie, may God grant strength and help for each day. Psalm 5:1–3 Love and prayers continue for you , Marsh, and the boys.
Gale Roberts — 4/29/18
Many prayers and much love sent your way. For you and for your family!❤️
Patty Baugh — 4/28/18
You are so strong! Sending prayers for continued strength, healing and lots of love from family and friends.
Lynn Harrell — 4/28/18
Thanks for sharing. I will be praying extra prayers on tuesdays!
Cancermamma 