February 3, 2018 · from Lesley’s original CaringBridge journal
Probably the hardest, most heart-wrenching part of this past month has been having to wean Gus with no warning. All the doctors say it in passing just as if they would say “you need to quit drinking Coke.” It broke my heart – it still does. He hasn’t nursed in two weeks but still pulls at my shirt and fights the bottle when he is super tired. But God was in those details too. Here’s how it went down….
I have a dear friend with one of the biggest hearts I know. She is a surrogate and just gave birth to twins for a family that she previously carried another baby for. A while back she and I had talked about my nursing struggles – there have been many. In fact, Gus and I had finally hit our stride. When he had the hernia and the reflux was at its height nursing was a battle many, many times – he was just in pain and couldn’t get comfortable. All that led to plugged ducts and mastitis more than once (the first time was the day we were leaving for his surgery!). I had supply issues and did all the tricks to boost it, including choking down oatmeal for breakfast (which I hate!). We later discovered he was tongue tied and had that corrected late November – that was a miracle and we were finally doing great. Back to said friend – she told me that if I was still having supply issues after she was done pumping for the twins she would be happy to keep pumping for Gus to help me get him to a year. Little did I know….. When I got my diagnosis I sent her a message to let her know what was up. She contacted another surrogate friend and within 24 hours I had a cooler of 350 ounces of milk on the way to my house. I had let my midwife know as well and she rallied the local “milk mammas” and on her off day drove around and collected another 400 ounces and drove almost two hours to my house to deliver it. And all of this has come with the promise of “there is more when you need it, just let us know.”
I still hate that I can’t nurse my baby. He is my last one and we only made it halfway where I had planned (I nursed the others at least a year). But God [this phrase comes up so much] knew how hard this would be for me and He had already taken care of that detail. We didn’t have to try to figure out the formula world along with the bottle world all at the same time. When it is the middle of the night and we are having to heat up a bottle instead of just taking care of it I have a hard time being as angry because as I get a bag from the freezer and give him his bottle I think of all these women who don’t even know me that have given sacrificially of themselves to feed my baby. I think of the time they take to pump – and believe you me I hate to pump so I am thankful for their efforts. I just can’t stay mad, I am humbled and grateful. The Milk Mammas have taken some of the sting away for me.
Comments from CaringBridge
Angel Hudgins — 2/5/18
Praying for you, my brave & sweet friend!! My sweet Dad just had his 2nd Cancer surgery in a year, this past Friday, to remove bladder Cancer. It was also a little over a year ago that he completed chemo for a cancerous stomach lymphoma. So, my parents have really been through some crap. But they’re still the same, sweet Mrs. Peggy & Mr. Gene that you remember!!! Of course, it has helped them to stay active in church and focused on their grandson, Harrison. (He a tad bit spoiled!!!!) Anyway, I share all this to remind you that Cancer sadly does not discriminate AND it cannot win if we do not let it. Thank you for sharing “Caring Bridge” on FB.
Nancy Mitchell — 2/4/18
So sweet to recognize the positive in the painful. Praying for you and yours, Lesley.
willard brooks — 2/3/18
Last year Joan had a double lumpectomy followed by radiation. It’s hard but well worth it. You should start Miadema cream before you start radiation. Stay as strong as you are now. Know that you have the love, support, and prayers of friends and family.
Heidi Jones — 2/3/18
Beautiful, even in the hard of it. I hate the struggle for you, but love to see God’s mercy in it. And pray that it will keep coming to help you and all of your boys cope as the days go forward in this time.
Emily Johnson — 2/3/18
Wow… This is quite amazing. I have no words ❤️
Cancermamma 