February 14, 2018 · from Lesley’s original CaringBridge journal
There has been no easing into this chemo business for us. The last several days have been so crazy it sounds like a sitcom to write it all out. We really can’t make this stuff up….Saturday was pretty mellow, I was tired but nothing overwhelming. Then came Sunday. I woke up with the big time nausea and couldn’t leave the bed all day – I slept, took anti-nausea meds, and slept some more. It was a rainy day all day. The boys were trying to get outside in between showers. Murph went down to play basketball and took a pretty good fall on the slippery court – major road rash – Marsh now has patient #2. I honestly don’t know what all else happened Sunday – I was really out of it – I just know Marsh was an awesome nurse 😉 Well, then comes Monday…Murphy wakes up throwing up and feeling cruddy. It was also our first day of our school helper – bless her heart, Sam is walking into a mess. School went great and a friend came over to help for the afternoon, Murph stayed in the bed all day. Eli comes in and says he’s feeling bad and crashes on the couch. We are dropping like flies.
I was getting ready for my big haircut that evening. I have donated my hair twice before when close friends were battling breast cancer. It only seemed right to do it again this time. I would rather it benefit someone else than end up in the trash. The girl who cuts my hair was so kind to agree to come out to the house and cut it for me. I got showered and ready but that took about all the energy I had. Marsh came in from work and sat with me the whole time. About halfway through the cut I started feeling lightheaded and said I needed to go lie down. I pretty much passed out on the couch on top of Eli and we had to get me cooled down before we could finish. We got done with all of that and as soon as everyone was gone Eli throws up. I can’t exactly be around all these germs in my immunocompromised state but feel awful being the mom and not comforting my sick kids. Marsh comes to me and reports that it is splattered all over the floor and walls and asks how to begin to attack that. Now, he can clean a gut shot deer and never miss a beat, but throw up is a different story. He shoved some Vicks salve up his nose, put a bandana over his face and went into hazmat mode. Then proceeds to dance around the house with Lysol. Unbeknownst to us Eli throws up again at midnight but cleans it all up himself because he didn’t want to wake us or Gus up. He throws up again Tuesday morning and no help is scheduled for that day. Jack stepped up to the plate and was the man of the house all day – he took care of all of us. He babysat, he cared for his sick brothers so I didn’t have to get close, he fetched things for me, he fixed lunch, he cleaned the kitchen. Folks with girls around that 10yo range…I’m afraid there is going to be some stiff competition for this one! Tuesday was actually a nice day despite all the sickness. I felt a tad better and was able to hold Gus, something I hadn’t been able to do much of for several days. We caught up on a lot of snuggles.
One of my favorite hymns is “How Firm a Foundation” the words have been going through my head as I reflect on the last few days. I also thought about how in the past I have thought of my foundation as being dependent on me and how full I thought my “faith tank” was – and it’s not that at all. My foundation is Christ and He is firm despite all my failings….how comforting is that?! Here is the fourth verse of that hymn:
When through fiery trials thy pathway shall lie,
My grace, all sufficient, shall be thy supply;
The flame shall not hurt thee; I only design
Thy dross to consume, and thy gold to refine
The refining fire – that is what we are experiencing. But these flames will not hurt us, they have a purpose – they are consuming the dross (the scum or unwanted material that forms on the surface of molten metal according to Webster) and refining the gold – they are making us more like Jesus. Not a fun process, but a worthy end. Even in this first week I see these things happening. My husband is a rock star, I am in awe of the grace he is showing to all of us with all the extra duties being thrust upon him. I have won the lottery with this guy. It’s Valentine’s Day and I see all the posts with flowers and such, but the down and dirty sacrificial love he has shown in just the past month makes all those things pale in comparison. Pray for his stamina folks! He has so much on his plate! My children are having new opportunities to show self sacrifice and kindness and love – for goodness sakes, my kid cleaned up his own puke so he wouldn’t wake the baby and his exhausted parents and another one took on the duties of a couple of adults yesterday. As a friend said yesterday, I have some good men under my roof. I won’t lie, after this first round the road ahead looks very daunting. I am thankful though for God showing his face in the midst of it all. I look forward to the end and seeing how this shapes us. I have to believe we are going to be shining super bright!
Comments from CaringBridge
CaringBridge showed 11 comments on this post; the site’s “view more” pagination only surfaced these 10 for me to pull.
Kyah Washington — 3/2/18
Your men are taking good care of you. Try to relax and get plenty of rest. I’m always praying for you and your family. ❤️❤️❤️
darice davis — 2/16/18
Hi Leslie, Your Library Family loves you and your family. Please keep fighting, and we miss seeing you all!
Movene Futch — 2/14/18
Lesley, what a heart twisting post. I hate the pain you all are suffering and can only pray for God to show each of you mercy. Yes, God is doing tough things in your lives. I will continue to ask our All Wise and All Powerful God to show mercy each day of this journey. I am so proud of Marsh and that you have that kind of man. I am proud of your boys whom I do not know. I am proud of you for what you and Marsh have instilled in them already. I am reminded of Isaiah 43:1–3 “when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you, for I AM the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.” Prayers continue.
Debbie Jacobs — 2/14/18
Adding prayers for your kids to feel better soon, and it doesn’t spread farther. Wow!
Kelly Gorman — 2/14/18
Praying for you and your family. You will make it through stronger than ever!!!
D Gillespie — 2/14/18
Hey. Focus on you. Marsh has the other stuff. Get centered on you. Pray. Be at peace. My very most favorite hymn is “How Firm a Foundation.” I memorized that hymn sitting in the Dallas airport 25 years ago as I traveled to White Sands Missile Range for an event I was running as a young buck. Daunting, but not defeating Leslie!
Debbie Palmer — 2/14/18
Breaks my heart that this is happening to you but the way you are handling it and your trust in God blessed my heart!! I love you lots!!
Debbie Parker — 2/14/18
I love you 💕💕💕💕! Praying for you all. So proud of Marsh & the boys!! I won’t say it gets easier, but you do learn what to expect, & that helps after each treatment. And there is an end in sight! May God shower blessings upon you all.
PAULA HOPPER — 2/14/18
Leslie, Please know that you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
Lynn Harrell — 2/14/18
Wow! What a week! Praying for everyone’s health and strength.
Cancermamma 